There is no other word to describe how I feel.
Even the most lofty ideas and well meaning intentions need to be followed up with demonstration; a resonate behavior.
Over the course of the last 2 weeks, my exterior life has begun to mirror the turmoil that was existent in my inner world of which I was not aware.
Everything outside of me has fallen to pieces and I have been thrust so far outside of my comfort zone that I have experienced daily anxiety, panic, and fear.
If I had only payed closer attention.
I can see millions of moments in which I was not paying attention; and it has cost me dearly.
I’m away from my children. I am separated from my wife. I lost what I thought was my home; the safest place in the whole world.
Perhaps I was misguided in putting so much stock into that which was outside of me.
Perhaps all of this is transpiring for my highest good.
My mind can grapple with this potential; my heart is not ready to accept it fully.
If you pray, pray for me. Hold me in your thoughts and I will try to return to the perfect stillness of God, so that I may come to remember my True Home.