As it has become apparent to anyone who has read my last blog post, the old pattern of my life has changed completely.
I am reminded of a book written by Neale Donald Walsch called, “When everything Changes; Change Everything”.
Though I didn’t read that book in its entirety, the title alone makes clear the opportunity which lies in front of me.
The last few weeks has been a mixture of faith and sorrow; pain and acceptance; fear and Trust. Even now I know I am at the “up-swing” of this emotional and spiritual pendulum. It could be different in the morning; or even in a few moments from now.
I just recently woke from a nap, brought on by the need to “shutdown” for a bit. My mind and heart had coalesced into a state of intense anxiety and fear. I didn’t think I was strong enough to endure this part of my journey. I wanted to run back to the way things used to be, a place where I knew comfort and routine.
Though, it seems, that’s not where life wants me to be.
I have tried several times to meditate, but my mind has been too noisy. I just have not been able to find a still moment, even though I am literally surrounded by intense, still nature (currently living in Tobermory, ON).
I know that turning within; turning to God is the only meaningful decision I can make right now.
I’ve turned to the learning of the world; to the things outside of me for meaning, direction, and purpose. And look where that got me.
In my lowest moments, I need to remember that this part of my journey is a blessing. I am afforded a great opportunity to quiet the noise in my mind, to still the troubled waters of my heart, and to finally know peace through and through.
I need to stop looking at form and rest in the content of Gods Love.
It was easy when life was comfortable.
It is terrifying (and ultimately freeing) when its not.